


Built From Broken Parts

by ChaoticCrow



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Friendship/Love, Internal Conflict, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 15:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6710641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticCrow/pseuds/ChaoticCrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fate brings Clarke and Lexa back together after 10 years. Adults now, they are built from broken parts trying to put themselves back together.  In an attempt to find themselves, they find each other.<br/>As they try to rebuild their relationship from a broken past, they realize that maybe the reason they could never be whole themselves, is because their broken parts only fit together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue:

 

Clarke and Lexa had been laying side by side on an old shed roof staring up at the starry night sky for over an hour. As the night went on, the chill in the air got colder. Clarke slid her body closer to Lexa's. She moved in so close she was practically laying on Lexa's arm.

" Jeez Clarke, smother me why don't you".

Clarke looked over at her.The roof was dark, but she could see the outline of Lexa's smirk. She smiled back at her friend.

" I'm cold, I should have brought a blanket "

"Here". Lexa lifted her left arm up and Clarke moved in closer. She nestle her head on top of Lexa's shoulder as Lexa wrapped her arm around her. The body heat was warm and inviting. Clarke moved onto her side and wrapped her arm around Lexa's stomach and pulled her in closer. She tilted her head and gazed up at her friend. Moments passed then Clarke closed her eyes. The outline of her best friends face implanted in her mind. She breathed in the light scent of vanilla and smiled. The feeling of Lexa's breathing was hypnotizing. She could fall asleep right then and there. She could stay there forever.

" I have to tell you something Clarke and you're not going to like it"

" What ? "

" I'm leaving "

" But you just got here like an hour ago..."

Clarke positioned herself on her right elbow and looked at Lexa still staring at the sky. Lexa didn't look at her. She was avoiding eye contact. She opened her mouth slightly then closed it again. Clarke could tell she was struggling with her words. Lexa sat up and turned towards Clarke, she intertwined her fingers and put her hands in her lap and crossed her legs.

" I mean, I'm leaving town. I can't keep going back to that house."

Before she could continue Clarke shot up and positioned herself across from Lexa, crossing her legs. Knee to knee Clarke grabbed Lexa's hands. Her palms were cold but sweaty. She drew them towards her so their hands were right in the middle of them. Lexa wouldn't look up to make eye contact with her.

" What the hell are you talking about. Leaving town? Lexa, I know your foster parents suck, but you can't just leave...Where would you go? How would you get there? You're not making any sense!"

" I have a plan. Grant and his girlfriend are moving to Seattle.They're taking me with them"

" You can't just leave Lexa. You can't just leave me". The words spilled out of Clarke's mouth before she could even think. They were selfish and abrupt .

" I don't want to leave you Clarke. Come with us. Come with me!" Her dark green eyes pleaded with Clarke's.

" What ? I...I can't leave. Lexa we're just teenagers. We can't just leave. My parents would never allow it."

"Don't ask them, just come with me"

" I can't just leave them. I'm fifteen, what the hell am I going to do in Seattle? What the hell are you going to do? "

Lexa removed her hands from Clarke's grip and dropped them in her own lap. " I live life day by day. I always have. I'll figure it out when I'm there. I cant go back Clarke. I can't"

"But I can't go with you. Just stay. Stay here. I'll tell my parents you need to, they'll..."  
  
Clarke didn't even get to finish her sentence. Lexa stood up and looked down at her.She needed Clarke to go with her. She was heartbroken that she wasn't even contemplating it. Her anger started to take over.

" You can't actually be asking me to stay. Your parents already have an issue with me, they'd never allow me to stay here, you know that Clarke! " .  Lexa's voice was angry.

" I'm leaving tonight and if you don't want to come with me, that's fine. I should have known you'd never leave your perfect life! " She turned and walked to the edge of the roof .

Clarke jumped up and grabbed Lexa's right forearm. Lexa turned and look at her. Clarke was furious.

First Lexa tells her she's leaving town out of nowhere, then jumps down her throat because she doesn't want her to leave and can't go with her. The nerve.

" You come here and give me an ultimatum, only to slap me in the face when the outcome wasn't what you wanted? I thought we were best friends".

Lexas jaw was clenched as she stared at Clarke's dark blue angry eyes. This isn't what she wanted. She didn't want to hurt Clarke. Putting her anger aside, she let out a deep breath.

" You're right. I had no right to ask you to leave. You have a good life. But I need to do this Clarke. It's ok that you're not coming with me..."

She turned to face Clarke fully. Clarke opened her mouth to say something but Lexa stepped closer to her and put her right hand to Clarke's cheek. It was cold to the touch.  She slid her hand down to the side of Clarke's neck and held the spot. " I'm sorry but I need to leave. I'll come back and visit you, I promise. But I have to go now".

Clarke had so many emotions going through her. She had no idea what to think.

" Now?  like, this very minute...you can't..."

"They're waiting for me Clarke. I'll phone you when I get settled "

Lexa moved in to take up the small space between them and briefly hugged Clarke. Lexa pulled away but didn't let go. She looked at her teary eyed friend. Even in the dark she could see her blue eyes were glossy. A tear rolled down Clarke's cheek. Lexa leaned in and gently caught the tear with her lips. Clarke tilted her head slightly and looked at the girl holding her. She watched as Lexa's eyes moved from her own eyes down to her lips. Once, twice then Lexa leaned in and put her lips to Clarke's. It was gentle but it was rushed. Lexa backed away and looked at Clarke one last time. Clarke wouldn't let go of her hand.

" May we meet again" Lexa pulled her hand away then turned and made her way off the shed roof.

Clarke was in shock. Her best friend just told her she was never going to see her again. It was a stab to the gut. Even more Lexa kissed her. Her first kiss and it was a goodbye kiss. Now feeling stabbed in the heart she watched as Lexa's shadow disappeared into night.

 

                               -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Chapter 1

 

There was blood everywhere. She looked at the palm of her hands. Wet with red.The dark, warm liquid slid off her finger tips down to the ground beneath her in what seemed to be slow motion. She felt the red wetness soak into her pants at the knees where she knelt down. Panic had set in and she had no idea how to escape the black hole she had entered. A horrible copper smell infused into her nostrils. Voices were all around her but she couldn't make out any words. Frantic static all around her. Looking down at the blood she realized instead of it dripping off her, now it started moving upwards along her forearms.Up and up past her elbows to meet her rolled up shirt sleeve. The shirt quickly change colors. From pale white to pink, then to dark red. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open in shock as the red stream turned to black as it reached her shoulders then started to engulf her neck.Suddenly she felt something grab her shoulder. Has death come for her as well?

 

" Clarke "...

" Clarke! "... " Wake up! " 

With a jolt, Clarke Griffin raised her arms to protect herself before even opening her eyes. She couldn't breathe. Hands grabbed at her wrists as she opened her eyes.

" Take it easy, it's just me." Octavia Blake leaned over her. " It was just a dream "

" Holy shit O, You scared me" Clarke finally choked out. Now wide awake.she cleared her throat. " Sorry ".

Clarke sat up and pulled her legs over the couch.feet touching the floor. She leaned forward resting her elbows on the top of her knees and put her head in her palms. She sighed deeply. Octavia looked down at her friend. " You're still having bad nightmares huh? " .Octavia took a seat on the couch next to her.

"Sometimes"...

She didn't even need to look at her friend to know that Octavia saw right through the lie. She didn't sound very convincing. She half joked " Only when I sleep ".

" So... not often then. "

Clarke recognized the sarcasm but at the same time realized that it was a true statement. She rarely slept.She had more naps than she did actually sleep through the night and when she did, horrors invaded her mind.She often woke up sweaty, out of breathe and guilt ridden.

She felt her friend slide closer to her, the outside of their thighs now touching. Octavia wrapped her right arm around her friend, pulled her in close. Clarke welcomed the affection and leaned her head on Octavia's shoulder.

" I know I haven't been around much, but I thought the dreams were getting better ".

Clarke lifted her head tilted it to the side to look at her friend.Octavia's dark braided hair hanging off her left shoulder. Concerned blue eyes peering into her bright blue ones.There was understanding and sympathy in her gaze.

" I suppose it's a good thing I barely have time to sleep these days." Clarke let out a small sigh with her sideways grin. " The problem is almost solving itself ".

Clarke got up and stretched. Her muscles were sore from the awkward position she had fallen asleep in. Raising her right arm and positioning it behind her head, she moved her left arm over and grabbed her wrist and pulled to the left. As she stretched she looked left towards the kitchen and checked the time on the stove clock.She had been studying for a while, and wasn't sure when she fell asleep but she must have been out for over 2 hours.She turned on a swivel and looked down at her concerned friends face.

" I'm fine,O. Seriously ".

Octavia gave an unconvincing nod and rolled her eyes.

Octavia didn't believe her. She wanted to tell her friend for the hundredth time to go talk to someone. A professional. Or at least open up to someone close. Clarke never let her or Raven in and she knew that Clarke definitely never talked to her mother about the issues weighing on her. Bringing it up again would only start a fight. Best to move onto a different topic.

" So look, Lincoln found you and Raven the perfect new roommate."

Clarke finished stretching and sat back down beside who was going to be her old roommate but still very close friend. She grabbed her now cold tea from the coffee table in front of her and took a sip as she listened to Octavia describe her and Raven's new roommate option.

" Lincoln and I know her from the gym. She's a boxer and a damn good one. She could probably give Lincoln a run for his money. Don't tell him I said that though"

Both girls leaned back into the couch.They shared a laugh.

" She also works, so she has a pretty busy lifestyle. I don't know her well but Lincoln has known her for a long time. Shes pretty quiet, works hard and keeps to herself."

Clarke nodded her head as Octavia went on. She didn't want another roommate. She was going to miss O. Raven and her already had the discussion though and it was necessary for a third roommate. They had a few people look at the place, but both her and Raven decided those options were out.  Apparently it was difficult to find working adults who liked to shower regularly and didn't have some sort of addiction.This chick O was describing was actually sounding pretty great.

" So what do you think?  She needs the place at the end of this month, which is perfect "

Octavia looked wide eyed and excited, but also a little weary not knowing if her whole speech bought Clarke's approval or not.

" Yeah, I mean, she sounds great " Clarke nodded with a sideways smile

" Perfect! "

Octavia got up and grabbed her jacket off the edge of the couch. No doubt on her way to what would soon be her home at Lincolns.

" She saw my pics, and said that it was all she needed to see, but she'd like to meet both of you, obviously. Then when she comes to pay the damage deposit she can look around. She needs the place though. Lincoln and I are hitting the gym before we head home. If I see her I'll let her know you're down. It'll all work out, I know it! "

Clarke watched her short but brawny friend walk towards to the front door. Lincolns training had been getting her buff. If she had time to take martial arts or self defense classes it would probably do her good. Octavia seems to be calmer since she started. More focused. Its exactly what she needed in her life. But there wasn't time for it.  
No rest for the wicked...

" Octavia.. what's her name? You've told me a bunch of stuff, but what's her name?

Holding the door open, Octavia glanced back at Clarke " Oh, everyone calls her Heda "  
She waved goodbye and left.

Home alone until Raven gets off work.

"If this isn't a good time for a hot long bath, I don't know what is".

Clarke bent down and grabbed her textbook she had been reading before she passed out, up off the floor. Closed it up, and put in on the coffee table. She went to the kitchen, poured out the rest of her cold tea into the sink and went to the bathroom to start her bath.

The bath water was hot to the touch but not scolding. Bubbles raised to fill the tubs edge as Clarke lowered herself into the tub with ease and gave a relaxing sigh.Having multiple roommates made quiet and relaxing time quite rare. Especially when both girls had boyfriends. There was two bathrooms in their apartment but it still wasn't enough for a house filled with five people at times. Clarke laid motionless with her head bent back against the wall she watched the flickering of the candles she arranged on the edge of the tub. Strong strawberry aroma coming from the bubbles and a hint of vanilla coming from the candles. she closed her eyes and took in the beautiful sound of silence.

"Clarke you home?"

Clarke opened her eyes as she heard Raven calling to her from the living room. She didn't answer. Just one more minute of silence please .

Raven gently opened the bathroom door and peaked in. " Is it safe?".

Clarke laughed gently. " Yes, bubbles have taken over."

Raven entered the the room and sat on the floor, back leaning against the tub and crossed her legs. " What a day." she let out a big sigh.

" It was a rough one huh?" Clarke looked at Ravens weary expression. Her head bent all the way back. She hunched down a bit and her hanging hair from her ponytail slightly touched the bubbles still atop of Clarke's bath. Clarke giggled and reached for Raven hair giving it a light pull then swinging it towards her friends face.  Raven felt the wet hair hit the side of her cheek and grabbed it and looked at the wet tips. " Nice ". They both giggled

Raven leaned to her right side a bit and put her arm on the side of the tub and leaned her head on her shoulder and looked at Clarke. " How about you?"

" Uneventful". Clarke lowered herself into the tub more so her chin was touching the bubbles. That was the extent of how much she wanted to go into her day. She loved Raven and admired how she made an extra effort to talk about their days at the end of night, even if she was exhausted. She really just wanted to be alone though.

" Octavia texted me. She said you're having nightmares again"

" Again? when did I stop? Clarke was sarcastic and abrupt.

" Both of us thought they had. Shows how observant we are. You should have said something"... "  I'm Sorry "

Clarke reached for Ravens hand, and placed hers on top, getting her friends hand wet. Not that she acted like she minded. "Don't be sorry, It's not your fault"

They sat in silence for a few moments.

" Clarke I know you're a tough, bad-ass chick, who doesn't need anyone's help... but when are you going to get help? "

Clarke sat up and leaned into the almost fading bubbles. " I'm fine, this is why I didn't say anything"

Raven sat up and turned towards the tub with her legs crossed and looked at her friend. Clarke's hair was dark blonde from the water, her eyes bright blue and surprisingly for the lack of sleep she gets, she didn't have any bags under her eyes. Her stress filled friend had great skin, light and flawless. She kept her gaze on Clarke's face until finally she looked at her. Brown eyes peering into her friends like she was trying to see into her soul, because if she could see it, she'd actually know what was going on in her best friends mind. Instead of taking Clarke's half ass lies about how she was fine and maybe, just maybe she could actually help her.

" You're not fine Clarke. You've been having these nightmares since the accident. It's not normal and it's not healthy. You need to talk to someone. I'll go with you.. I-".

Clarke cut her off." Dammit Raven, I said I'm fine. I'm working it out . It just takes time" her voice was raised.

Silence filled the bathroom, both girls looked into their laps. Finally Raven got up and walked towards the door.She put her hand the the door, and stopped.

"It wasn't your fault Clarke... Guilting yourself into non existence isn't going to do you any good. You're slowly falling down the rabbit whole and once you hit bottom, you'll be too far gone for anyone to help you out" .

Without allowing Clarke to respond Raven left and closed the door. Her bath water almost cold and with little bubbles left, she placed her elbow on the edge of the tub and leaned her head against her palm. Raven was right. She couldn't keep going on this way. She had friends, she had family. Why couldn't she talk to anyone about what she was going through. Maybe because she knew they wouldn't understand and how was saying that she's weak out loud, going to all of a sudden stop her nightmares or take away all the guilt she felt inside. How was it going to empty her soul of her sadness. Tears ran down her face but she shook them off. No crying. If she started, she wouldn't stop. 

Clarke reached for the tub's plug and yanked on it. She reached for the towel beside the tub and stood up wrapping it around her midsection. She climbed out and stood in front of the sink. Looking straight into the mirror she swiped it with her hand from the left bottom to the right top. She looked at the blurred image of herself and watched the water droplets from the condensation trickle down the mirror. She stared into her own eyes for a moment then wiped the mirror again hating what she saw. With a deep breath she opened the bathroom door and turned right down the hall to her bedroom. Once entered she went to her dresser on the far wall pulled out a pair of underwear and a long t-shirt. Once she was clothed, she grabbed a pony tail from the top of her dresser and put her hair in a bun and made her way to her bed. She slid under the covers and laid down to get what was an expected not very good sleep. Closing her eyes she hoped that if she was lucky enough to catch a few hours, they'd be dreamless.

 

 

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Bob and weave, bob and weave, Lexa had been bobbing and weaving for what felt like hours. She hadn't been at the gym that long, but her mind was somewhere else. She didn't feel like training and couldn't concentrate on her combination. Bob and weave,right jab,left jab, double right jab. Bob and weave, right jab ,left jab, bob and shit...

Just then Lexa got a hard punch to the left side of her jaw making her trip over her own feet and making her fall to the floor on her side.

" What the fuck Anya". Lexa sat on the ground looking up at her trainer and holding her jaw.

" Where's your head. You're not concentrating"

"I know. I'm trying. You didn't have to hit me that hard"

Anya still looking down at the fallen girl, had a giant smile on her face. "Please, like you have a glass jaw ".

Anya stretched her arm down to lexa with an open hand. Lexa let go of her jaw and grasped the inside of her forearm just above the wrist. With one big pull Anya yanked Lexa from the ground.

" What's going on with you? You know you can't be distracted like this during your bout ".

Anya looked Lexa up and down. Lexa was always fit. Her combinations were strong and her movement was consistent. But if her head wasn't in the fight, she'd lose. Maybe a loss would be good for her. She hadn't had a loss yet. The wins may be making her cocky. A good ass kicking would pull her head out of the clouds. Level her out again.

" I know. I won't be. My match isn't for a while. I'll get my shit together. Don't worry."

Lexa turned to the right and made her way over the ring and took a seat on the edge of it. She grabbed her water and took a few long gulps.  
The gym was nearly empty. A few people were working out in the left corner of the gym and a few people worked on their jabs against punching bags to her right. She watched as Anya made her way over to sit beside her. She took in a deep breathe allowing the musky scent of the gym fill her lungs.

" You still haven't found a place yet huh? "

Lexa shook her head back and forth , eyes staring at the floor.

" You know you can stay with me, if you haven't found a place by the end of the month, it's not a big deal "

Lexa looked over to Anya and met her gaze. " It is a big deal. I'm not seventeen. You don't have to save me anymore. I'll figure it out. I always do ".

" Well you better, because if I have to keep kicking your ass to get your head in gear, you won't be ready for that match. You'll be too busy crying in the corner "

Anya playfully nudged Lexa with her right elbow. They both laughed then Lexa hopped up and turned to her friend making small jabbing motions.

" As if you could kick my as. Bitch please" Lexa teased

Anya jumped up and swiped her right arm at lexa. " You know I can take you. This neighborhood may think the great Heda is all that, but who made you? "

Lexa laughed, then stopped. She looked at Anya with a straight face.

" Seriously though, If we fought and you beat me, how do you know It was 'cause you're in fact better than me, or maybe you won 'cause I let you. Knowing that you would never be able to train me again after I beat your ass? "

Lexa hopped backwards and laughed so hard she snorted. Anya burst out laughing. One because Lexa's theory of her allowing her to win was so ridiculous, and two because of Lexa's snort.

" Sounds like some hard training is going on "

Both girls turned to the left to see Gustas approaching. Straight faced and arms crossed.

" Anya said she could kick my ass, it was the funniest joke I heard in a long time". Lexa gently punched Anya's arm.

" Spar right now, lets have a see ".  Gustas gave a little smirk.

" Now there's a fight I'd enjoy seeing"

The trio looked to their right and saw Lincoln and Octavia approaching.

" Who do think would win?" Anya stared at Lincoln with a hard face.

" I'm smart enough to not choose sides here ". Lincoln looked over to Octavia who was giving him an agreed nod.

" Heda, can we chat for a second? " Octavia motioned her head to the side. Lexa nodded silently and the girls made their way to the side of the ring.

"So you totally have the place. You can meet the girls when ever you want " Octavia said with a giant smile.

" Seriously? "

Octavia still smiling nodded her head up and down. She watched as Lexa went from straight face to a big smile. It was odd for her to see. Lexa didn't smile much in the gym and she's only ever seen her outside of the gym a few times in a club. Lexa's eyes were bright and her full lips made a beautiful smile. She should do it more often.

" Thank you so much. I've been totally stressed. "

" No worries. It helps me too." Lincoln approached the girls but didn't add to the conversation.

" When do you want to meet them? "

Lexa looked back and forth from Octavia to Lincoln. " I'm pretty busy the next few days, but why don't you bring them to the club and I can meet them in between sets. I'll get the four of you in for free. "

The couple both nodded their heads in happy agreement.

Lexa heard Anya calling to her, when she looked over to her. She was pointing to her watch. Anya felt the need to add " Are we training or are we talking? "

Lexa gave a funny worried grin to the couple. " Stop by around 10:30 then ." The couple agreed and walked off towards the locker room.

Lexa made her way back to Anya again to recommence their training session. Things were falling into place. She was able to concentrate once again which was necessary because by the look that Anya had on her face, the second half of the training was going to be rough.

Tired and sweaty Lexa made her way to the locker rooms. She grabbed a towel and went to the back of the lockers where the shower stalls were. She pulled at her wrist wraps and let them fall to the floor one at a time.Her clammy long fingers grabbed at the bottom of her tank top and pulled it over hear head. Afterwards she removed her bra. Her body was so warm that when the cold air around her hit her bare torso it automatically gave her goosebumps. She kicked off her shoes, removed her socks and pulled at her shorts and underwear at the same time. Then she turned the lever on the shower, put it a little more on the hotter side. Before getting in she removed the ponytail from her hair and stepped in. Lexa quickly soaped herself down and rinsed it off.

She could get out, but it's not like she was in a hurry to get home. A tiny bachelor suit with peeling paint on the walls and plumbing so shitty she couldn't even have a warm shower with. She stretched her arms and put the palms of her hands against the shower wall and hung her head under the hot water. Hopefully within a week she'll have a new place. She wasn't a picky person. She didn't need expensive or glamorous. She just wanted safe. Safer than the streets she used to live on, safer than the suite below what she only assumed was a crack shack and a place where she could have a fucking shower after her workouts.

 Lexa pulled down the on the shower lever hesitantly. She had to get out some time. She wrapped her towel around her body and picked up her sweaty clothes from the floor and went to her locker. Back in her clothes she was previously wearing before her workout, she sat on the bench in front of her locker and tied up her shoes. She should get up, instead she just sat there, looking at the floor for a moment. She hated this part of the day. The part that said, it's too late to go anywhere else and you're too damn tired anyways. She got up, grabbed her hoodie, and pulled it over her head the grabbed her backpack and made her way out of the locker room. She grabbed the hood and pulled it over her damp hair and walked through the gym. A few head nods to the remaining people in the gym as she passed them and she was out the door. After reaching her car it was a quick drive home, she entered her suite and without even turning on the lights she made her way to her bed at the far left the room. She laid down, closed her eyes and rested her right forearm over them. She kept repeating to herself under her breath  "Soon, I'll rid of this hole. Soon... Soon". After the fifth time repeating herself she passed out for the night. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ticktock. Ticktock.

Clarke was staring at the square clock on the wall across from her. Empty chairs formed a U shape in front of her receptionist counter. She was hunched over her desk with her left elbow resting on the edge, the side of her head leaning against her closed fist. It wasn't very professional looking but the office was empty anyways so who cared. She certainly didn't. She peered over to her desktop monitor and allowed her mind to drift away. Clarke didn't day-dream. She just sat there. Mind silent, the way she liked it. She knew she should have been taking the down time to get caught up on her studies. She had class early in the morning and was behind five chapters. The sleepless night before did not help. She felt physically and emotionally drained. She just kept staring at the screen with a blank face.

" How's it going out here? "

Clarke quickly straightened up and watched her mom approach.

" Good. Your last appointment should be here any moment. " Clarke added a giant smile " Then we're free. "

Abby Griffin smiled at her daughter and put her clipboard down on the counter. She leaned over it and checked out the computer screen.

" Did you confirm all the appointments for tomorrow already? "

Clarke rolled her eyes at her mother. " Yes mom, I know how to do my job. "

" Did you want to sit in on this one? "

Clarke should take up the opportunity to not only witness a Doctor at work but assist one every time her mom offers it. She wouldn't be able to get it at any other job. At the moment she wish she cared but she didn't. She shook her head. " No, maybe next time. "

Abby inspected her daughters face. She seemed down. Distracted even. Not that it was different. Clarke had been distracted for six months now. Her daughter was strong. She would get over this obstacle. She has gotten over so much already. This won't break her.

Both ladies heard the door chime and looked towards a tall man wearing worn down clothes approach. He coughed into his closed fist.

" Your four thirty appointment has arrived Dr.Griffin".

Abby glanced at Clarke and gave a sideways grin, then greeted the man and showed him to her office.

Clarke slowly got up from her chair and went around her desk to the waiting room. She straightened the chairs, and organized the magazines. She loved this part of the day. Knowing that her mom was going to be about twenty minutes then she could go home and relax. Clarke made her way back to her desk. She was about to shut the computer down. Then pulled her hand away. "Shit" what was she doing. She was mostly likely going to have to make another check up appointment for... for... Dammit, she couldn't remember the patients name. She took a seat and shook her head. Maybe if she got some food into her, she could get her head straight.

Buzz.

Clarke looked down at her phone. Raven was texting her. " Just a reminder, we're hittn that club 2night 2 meet Heda. Wat time r u gunna b home? "

Damn. Clarke forgot about their meeting with the potential roommate tonight. She didn't want to go to the club nor did she have time if she was going to catch up on her reading. This was crucial though. No one is going to move in before everyone has met each other and this needed to work out. She'd go but unlike the rest of the group she'd be leaving after the meet. " Within the hour most likely. U need me 2 pick anything up on my way home?" She put her phone on the desk. The screen went black. She leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms as far back as she could go without making herself flip backwards in the chair.

Buzz.

Clarke picked up her phone and read, " Nah, I'm good. C u soon. "

Instead of putting down her phone, she went to the Tetris icon and opened up the game. At least it would make her think instead of aimlessly staring at a computer screen. Clarke managed to hit the score of two hundred fifty-nine thousand before her mom and the patient made their way out of her office. She quickly turned her phone off and placed it on the desk as the two approached. She intertwined her fingers and put a big inviting smile on her face. Abby let her know she was to set a date for the man to come back for a check up next week. After she did that, she walked him out and locked the door. She went to her desk, turned off the computer and waited a few minutes for her mom. When Abby finally left her office she asked Clarke about her dinner plans. She knew this was a way for her mom to try to coax her into a good meal and a surprise meeting of her moms new boyfriend. Clarke saw right through her tactics. She informed her mom that her and Raven had a meeting to attend. Once again she got out of what would most likely be an awkward dinner between the trio.

After locking up, they entered the parking lot together and got in Abby's car. Clarke could drive and had her own vehicle but it made more sense gas wise to carpool with her mom. It didn't take a lot of gas to run the Civic. Not much was said on the short car ride home. Once they pulled up to Clarke's apartment building they hugged and she got out. Clarke gave a small goodbye wave to her mom then turned and made her way up to her apartment.

Clarke walked down the hallway and stopped outside her door. She could hear music playing inside and heard multiple voices. By the sounds of it everyone was having a pre-drink before they left for the club. She heard four happy voices. She didn't want to go inside. She didn't want to be around happy people. She leaned into the door and rested her forehead against it. "Breathe Clarke" , she said under her breath, then straightened up and entered the apartment.

Clarke was greeted by the two couples.To the left of her, Lincoln was sitting in the recliner at the far side of the living with Octavia in his lap. Raven leaned against Bellamy's chest on the couch. The TV in front of the was on but muted and the stereo was on. Clarke made her way right, to the kitchen and went straight to the fridge. She pulled out some left over pepperoni pizza and joined her friends. She sat across from Lincoln and Octavia on the black leather arm-chair that matched the couch. Just because she felt anti-social didn't mean she needed to act it. She joined in the conversation while downing the pizza.

"I can't believe I'm not going to be living here soon." Octavia shook her head.

Both Raven and Clarke replied with a whiny " I know" with sad expressions on their faces.

Bellamy looked at his sister and joked. " Pretty soon you two will be getting married."

Both Clarke and Raven joined Lincoln in a laugh while Octavia supplied her older brother with death eyes.

Clarke became silent and just watched her friends converse with each other. She looked at Raven and Bellamy, their left hands intertwined, joking around with Lincoln and Octavia, they'd often glance at each other taking a break from looking at the other couple. Octavia and Lincoln would do the same. It was sweet and it was sickening to Clarke. She wasn't a jealous person especially when it came to relationships. She had a few. Some sort of serious but it was never a priority to her. Her medical career was a priority. Well it was until she lost her passion for it much like her drawing. No, she wasn't envious of their relationships or of the people involved in them. If anything she was just jealous of the fact they had someone. Someone who knew them. Fully and wholeheartedly. Another soul that didn't judge their pasts or the present, just someone there to understand their trials and tribulations of right now. Clarke never had that. In her past relationships she never felt like that person was "the one". She of course cared for them but they were easy to get over when it ended. Except for Finn. He was different. He didn't know her the way she wished someone would, and they didn't even go out for long. In fact she was about to break it off with him before... before the accident. She knew the distraught feelings weren't about him as a person, it was how it ended. Clarke just wanted to know what it would feel like, to think you know someone is your soul mate. Maybe they aren't. Maybe Lincoln and Octavia, even Bell and Raven weren't meant to be. But they thought they were. She just wanted that feeling. Maybe it was a good thing Octavia was moving out. Then she'd only have one couple around her all the time. Even better a stranger. Someone who didn't know her at all. Didn't know what she's been through the last six months. She knew this new person would never randomly bring up Finn's name or Maya's. This person wouldn't know what happy Clarke looked like, she'd never know the distracted guilt ridden face she always bared lately wasn't just her natural look. The group continued to joke around and chat while Clarke got up and made her way to her bedroom to get ready. She wasn't going to take long. She wasn't going to impress anyone to take home. She was just going to meet a hopefully future roommate.

 

 

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Lexa sat on a bar stool in front of a desk filled with her DJ equipment. She looked around at the almost empty club while she connected her cables from her laptop to her controller. She watched as the bartenders got their sections ready and eyed the bouncers at the front door making jokes. She smiled to herself assuming they were making large penis jokes or degrading the attractive female bartenders... Men. She shook her head. Pulling her headphones out of her backpack she looked to see one of the waitresses approaching her. She was pretty, tall and slim. Her brunette hair was in a pony tail and swayed back and forth from her left cheek to her right. She greeted Lexa with a big smile.

" Are you all set up? "

Lexa smiled back at the cute girl. " Almost. I actually don't even start till ten. So I don't know why I have my gear all set up."

" Better to be safe than sorry, right? "

" Words to live by."

The girl climbed up to the small stage and took a seat next to Lexa on the second bar stool. She had seen her a few times behind the bar during her sets. They made eye contact each time which usually was followed by either a grin or a smile. Lexa turned a little more towards her and checked out her name.

" You're not going to get in trouble for kicking it with me, right? "

The girl laughed. " I'm on break... So my name's..."

Lexa chimed in. " Ruby..."

Ruby grinned. " So you've been asking about me? "

Lexa met the grin with her own, then pointed to her name tag.

Ruby blushed. " Well that's not embarrassing at all. "

Lexa let out a little laugh. The fact that the girl clearly was hoping for Lexa to be asking questions about her screamed interest. Picking up girls was sometimes a difficult task. A lot of women showed interest in her boxing and her being a DJ. Those two practices weren't big women roles. It was work figuring out if they were interested in her, or her hobbies. Ruby was definitely into her.

Lexa lightly touched Ruby's knee for a second. " Don't be embarrassed."

Lexa enjoyed flirting, especially with cute girls, but she didn't like mixing business with pleasure. This club was the only place she DJ'd at and she didn't want to ruin the opportunity by possible drama when the fun ended, and it always ended. She was never big on relationships. She could handle commitment, like being monogamous in a sexual tense but that was about it. She often got bored and had to move on. This usually occurred when ever the person she was with started being more demanding of her time. She had a busy life and liked it that way. There wasn't time for a relationship and she had never met anyone that she even wanted to make that time for. What's wrong with just a little bit of fun anyways?

Lexa looked into the girls brown eyes. Let her down, but let her down easy Lexa.

" I noticed you, I just didn't ask any questions. "

Ruby never disconnected their gaze. " Well why not? "

" I'm seeing someone. It'd be bad form to go around trying to pick up a bunch of chicks."

Technically she wasn't lying to her. She was sleeping with someone but Lexa knew that saying you're in a relationship already was much easier to get over than a, "hey, you're hot but you don't shit where you eat'" metaphor.

Ruby gave a sad smile to Lexa. " Well that's too bad. "

Lexa slowly nodded her head in agreement.

Ruby got up and before jumping down off the stage she turned back to Lexa. " Well, if that ever doesn't work out, you know where I am."

Lexa smiled at her and watched her head back to the bar. She was very forward. She liked that. Maybe she would take her up on that offer one day. Looking around she noticed that club had opened its doors and the already playing music was turned up. Small groups were slowly making their way in and automatically heading the bar. Within the hour the place would be full of half buzzed young adults dancing their problems away on the dance floor.

Lexa grabbed her head phones and put them on with the left side hanging off the back of her ear then opened up her laptop and pulled up her DJ software. She would be eyeing the crowd for the next hour. She knew that part of being a successful DJ was being able to see what the crowd was into. She always showed up to her gigs early to just sit and watch. She would watch the reactions of the crowds as songs played and it would give her a good idea of what the crowed expected of the night. She enjoyed doing sets at club Blaze because it was often the same kind of people every night wanting to listen to the same kind of beats. Blaze was a popular underground club in a not so great part of town so it never got prissy college kids. It consisted of people from the neighborhood. Her neighborhood. She was well-known within it. Some people knew her from the streets and some knew her as the girl who came from the streets to become a bad-ass undefeated boxer. The neighborhood was filled with homeless and thugs. She got tough quickly and got respect quickly for it. Once she started messing around with being a DJ, her fan base went from the boxer Heda to the boxer , DJ Heda. Lexa enjoyed the little bit of attention she got. She took pride in her strength. She was a warrior. Inside and out. All of her trials and all of her tribulations made her who she is now.

" Heda, Heda"

Lexa looked up and saw Anya climbing onto the stage. Such a faithful friend. She lowered her head phones down to hang around her neck.

" What are you doing here? " Lexa already knew why she was there. She asked because she liked hearing it. She liked Anya admitting her loyalty. She was the only one that ever was.

" You're kidding me right? You know I'm showing up for every gig until you " Anya used hand quotations " make it big" and laughed.

" How can I ever make it big with someone looking like you, here to distract me? " It was all fun and games. Both her and Anya knew it.

Sarcastically Anya accepted Lexa's light flirting. " So that's the issue with your training! Can't blame you really. Look at all this " and she pointed to her slim build.

Both girls laughed.

" So what are you doing here? " Anya pointed to her laptop and controller.

" Right now, I'm just picking out my tracks. I have a good feeling about what the crowd wants tonight."

" You know what they want every night. You're a pro. "

" An amateur pro maybe. "

Anya reached for Lexa's arm and grabbed ahold of the inner part of her bicep. " Just like everything else you've ever tackled. You got this. Don't doubt your skills. You don't do it with boxing. Don't do it with this. "

Lexa looked over to her friend who let go of her arm. " Fighting is easy. It comes natural. It's surviving. " Lexa looked back at her laptop. " This is different. "

Anya investigated her troubling friends face. She wished she knew anything about being a DJ so she could train her in that as well. Comforting and words of encouragement would have to do.

"Look at me " Anya leaned in and didn't continue talking until Lexa turned towards her. " Boxing may come natural to you, but you still need to train. Being a DJ is the same thing. You already know what to do. You just need to discipline yourself everyday. I've seen the way crowds react to you. You're a natural at this as well. "

Lexa smiled at Anya. She wanted to reach over and give her a big hug. That wasn't something they did though. Playfully punch each other, maybe even supply a hand, arm or shoulder, but hugging wasn't something Lexa was used to growing up and lucky for her, Anya was the same. They had a lot of similarities which was why they connected so well and why she allowed Anya into her life. She was grateful to herself for allowing it and equally grateful to Anya. Lexa knew if they had never crossed paths her life would be completely different for the worse. She watched Anya supply her with a sideways smile. She was beautiful when she smiled. Anya mastered the resting bitch face. Her piercing brown narrow eyes and big cheek bones made her look pretty intimidating. Especially to women. When she smiled though... Her dimples appeared and made everything right in the world. At least to Lexa.

The club was full now. She knew it was time for Anya's exit. She never liked the club scene much.

" Alright well now that we're done with all the sappy stuff, I'm gonna peace " Anya stood up, and Lexa followed suit. She grabbed Anya by her forearm.

"Thanks "

" You better not be here all night, I want concentration in your training tomorrow or I'm gonna kick your ass. "

With that warm-hearted goodbye Anya hopped off the stage and made her way to the exit. Lexa couldn't help but grin at her backside till she lost her in the crowd. She sat back down and thought about how the night would go. Hopefully the crowd would enjoy her set. Hopefully meeting Octavia's friends would go well. By the end of her night she just wanted to be happy with everything. Just then the club's manager approached the stage but didn't climb on. He just gave a thumbs up and Lexa knew it was time. She pulled up her headphones to her ears and as the current song ended, she started her cue.

 

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Clarke could hear the thumping music standing outside the club. The two couples and her, formed almost a circle in the line up against the building. The night had a chill to the air but not too cold. It was still spring after all. Still Clarke grabbed at the both sides of her jacket zipper and did her jacket all the way up. She leaned her head down and dipped her chin in the collar. As the two couples had a couples conversation Clarke just watched and nodded her head in agreement, so she didn't look like she was ignoring them. Once again she was the fifth wheel. She didn't need a relationship and couldn't handle one right now even if she did but she wished she had another friend there to chat with while the couples swooned over each other.

Clarke looked around the neighborhood. She never spent much time close to East LA. Clarke grew up in West LA. They weren't rich or anything but she had two working parents with good jobs. Now living in the Downtown area, she had everything she needed within a few blocks.The club wasn't in a bad spot. Businesses surrounded it and watching out the cab window on the way there, she noticed the streets were quiet. The deeper you went though, she knew got bad. She was happy to be in a quiet neighborhood.

Clarke turned around and looked down the line up to the door. Were they ever going to get in? She had to get home and attempt studying before her class in the morning. She looked back at Octavia.

" Can't we just skip to the front and give them your name? "

Octavia laughed. " She gave us a free pass , not a V.I.P membership."

" She wants the place right? maybe she should have. " Bellamy joked then wrapped his arm around Raven who looked at him and nodded in agreement.

" I'm sure if she had the power to do that, to get this place, she would have. " Lincoln offered up.

Clarke looked at Lincoln, she knew that he was the only one that really knew her. Octavia met her a few times but that was it.

" So she's a DJ? "

" Yeah, and a damn good one. "

Raven joined in on the discussion. " What else do you know about her? O says you've known her a long time "

" Yeah, we grew up in the same hood. " Was all Lincoln provided.

" And? " Clarke pushed. Might as well learn as much as they could about her. Lincoln never really offered much about himself to the group so she didn't expect to get too much out of him. He was a private guy. She respected that.

" And... She's an awesome boxer. She's pretty stoic but if she allows you in then you get to be apart of an amazing woman's life"

" Yeah, what part of her did she let you in? " Bellamy playfully punched the side of Lincoln's arm.

"Bell! " Octavia punched her brother in the gut.

Lincoln gave a sideways smile and looked at Octavia. " We were never like that. " he assured her.

" Why? is she ugly? "

All three girls shook their heads and rolled their eyes. Octavia chimed in.

" No, She's gorgeous and super fit. If I wasn't straight I'd do her" Octavia looked up at Lincoln who gave her a big smile and nodded in happy agreement.

The other three laughed.

" So if she's so beautiful, Lincoln, why didn't you two ever get together? "

Clarke gave a bit of judging attitude , " Because not all guys try to fuck their female friends "

Bellamy gave her an unconvinced look.

" Because she's into women. "

Bellamy smiled at Lincoln. " Well, I like her already. "

" You like women sometimes Clarke, maybe you should have a go with her. " Bellamy laughed while Raven elbowed him in the gut.

Clarke shook her head in disbelief. " Maybe you had a few too many drinks before we left, Fucktard "

The group laughed, including Bellamy.

" How about you do us all a favor and not talk to this girl. We actually want her to like us." Clarke turned her back to her friends.

" I'm just joking around Clarke. Take it easy. " Bellamy offered.

Clarke looked back to him but didn't turn around. " look around Bell, No one here thinks you're funny."

Clarke looked up to the doors. Almost there. Only a few people left. The couples behind her were now quiet. Nothing like awkward silence to keep the night going. She didn't care. She wasn't out of line. Bellamy was. It was nothing new. When he had a few drinks in him, he often turned self-conceited and got verbal diarrhea. She had to admit though, when he didn't have alcohol in him, he was caring and understanding at times.

The line kept moving and finally it was her groups turn through the doors. Octavia called out her name and the bouncer let her enter along with herself, Raven and Lincoln. He stopped Bellamy and the crowd turned around to watch. The bouncer informed him that there was only four on the list and he'd have to pay. Bellamy did, then entered.

The club was loud with bumping music. It was a bit dark with neon red lights around the ceiling and surrounding the bar. There was multi colored strobe lights on the dance floor filled with people dancing or jumping. The place was too crowded for Clarke to see all the way over to where the stage was. She was hoping to get a sneak peek at who would hopefully be her new roommate. No luck yet. The group made their way to the bar and Lincoln and Octavia parted ways, hand in hand to go find Heda. Standing against the bar Bellamy ordered their drinks. He switched positions with Raven so he was standing next to Clarke. He leaned his right elbow against the bar and leaned in close to her.

" I'm sorry for acting like a dick."

Clarke leaning both elbows on the bar tilted her head to look at him. His dark brown eyes begging for forgiveness.

" Don't act like a dick and you won't have to apologize. "

Bellamy put his left hand to his chest. " I know but I'm still sorry ."

Clarke moved her gaze from him over to Raven behind him against the bar. Clarke read her lips. " Come on, he's sorry". She didn't know if Raven actually said it out loud or not. The club was too loud. How were they going to be able to have a conversation with this DJ?

Bellamy put his hand on Clarke'a Shoulder and gave a sad face. Clarke Smiled at him and gave in, " Fine."

The three of them smiled and grabbed their drinks from the bartender. Octavia and Lincoln approached them and Bellamy handed them their drinks.

" Come on, She said she'll meet us up there. " Octavia pointed the left of the bar up some steps. " She said its quieter up there.

The group followed Lincoln through the crowd and up the stairs, then made a right to the end of the balcony and took a seat. The music seemed more distant up there and they could actually talk to each other without molesting one another's ears.

"She'll be up in a few. Octavia informed them.

Clarke tried to look down at the DJ stage. She could sort of see her but her back was turned and she was talking to a few people in the crowd.

Clarke looked around the bar floor at all of the people, then took in the bar itself. It was a nice place. Very urban. They should come back. Maybe Heda could keep getting them in for free. It made up for the costs of drinks, not that they were expensive here. She had been to clubs that wanted more than fifteen dollars a drink and people wondered why she didn't go partying anymore. Still looking over the balcony ledge at the crowd gathered at the bar she could see multiple people came up the steps and found their own spots on the balcony from her peripherals. She didn't even noticed the girl approach the group until Octavia jumped up.

" Everyone I'd you to meet Heda "

Clarke looked over to the DJ standing in front of the group and she couldn't believe who she was seeing. It was a blast from the past. Was it really her teenage best friend who disappeared into the night 10 years ago? Without thinking about her actions she stood up.

" Lexa ?"

The girl looked over to her in equal disbelief.

" Clarke? "


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to every one who has taken the time to read this story so far and a bigger thanks to those who keep coming back for new chapters. I really appreciate it :)

Clarke and Lexa stood in silence staring at each other. Both of them speechless as to who was in front of them.

" Wait... what? " Octavia took turns looking at both of the girls, confused as to how they knew each other.

Lincoln hopped out of his seat and pointed his finger back and forth at them." You two know each other". The fact that they knew each others name clearly stated they knew one another but Clarke called her Lexa. A name that not many knew. 

Clarke took a few steps closer to her old friend. Still not sure what to say. " Lexa... how... where have you... " Maybe she should try not talking...

" It's been a long time Clarke ". 

Clarke was glad that at least one of them could form a sentence. " Yeah... how long has it been? " Clarke knew exactly how long. Not one year had gone by that she didn't think of Lexa for some reason or another. The kind of imprint Lexa had left on her wasn't something that could just be forgotten. What if she didn't leave the same imprint on Lexa?

Lexa smiled out of the corner of her mouth. " ... about ten years... right? "

Since Clarke was testing Lexa, she felt the need to do the same.

Clarke nodded her head. She couldn't take her eyes off her. She wanted to. She didn't even know if she had blinked since the second she saw her. What if she closed her eyes for a moment and Lexa disappeared on her again? She couldn't have that.

Raven jumped in to the awkward silence. " Hey I'm Raven " and reached out her hand. Lexa met it half way and nodded to her.

A tall man in a blue suit approached the group from the steps. He stopped beside Lexa. " Sorry to interrupt". The man turned to Lexa and leaned in. 

Clarke watched as the man said something quietly to her but she couldn't make out his words. Lexa nodded her head and the man returned to the top of the stairs but didn't go down them.

" That was the manager, I'm sorry guys, I'll be right back. " Lexa turned and met the man at the top of the stairs and followed him down.

As Clarke watched Lexa disappear down the steps she automatically walked towards the balcony ledge and looked over. Still keeping on eye on Lexa as she walked over to the stage and talked with the man. Her actions were involuntary. She wasn't even thinking. She was just looking. How long had she been in town? How have they never crossed paths before. What if they had? What if all the times she was in a large crowd on a busy street and that familiar face she saw, for but only for a moment, was in fact her best friend from long ago. A face that always disappeared too quickly back into the crowd. 

Raven and Octavia approached Clarke at the ledge of the balcony. 

Clarke looked to her right at Octavia. " You said her name was Heda. "

" No, I said everyone called her Heda. I didn't know her actual name. Everyone calls her by her nickname. "

Clarke looked back down to Lexa still talking to the man. She watched as she jumped onto the stage and started playing with her equipment. She had a slim build. Clarke always figured she would since she did even back when they were teenagers. Her hair was the same brown that she remembered and she had it down and partially braided in the back. She always had a thing for small braids. Octavia was right, she was gorgeous. Lexa was very pretty as a teenager but this woman she had turned into, was breathtaking.

" How about when she's on her way up, we all head down to the bar and give you two a few moments alone." Raven offered

Clarke turned her gaze away from Lexa and looked at Raven. It didn't sound like a question yet raven waited for Clarke's approval of the plan. She nodded to her friend and looked back at the guys who were ready to go grab another drink. Octavia walked over to Lincoln.

" Hey, is your guys' history going to put a halt on this? " 

Clarke once again met Raven's gaze. " No... It... I don't know. I'll make it work. The question is can she." Raven nodded her head and both girls looked down at Lexa who was making her way to the stairs to join the group on the balcony again. Clarke watched as she kept slowing her pace to quickly acknowledge those around her saying hi. Well, look at miss popular. Clarke quickly looked to her left at Raven when she noticed Lexa looked up at the balcony and found Clarke's eyes on her.Clarke turned around and leaned against the ledge. As Lexa made her way up the steps, the group gathered and met Lexa at the top.   
Lincoln told Lexa they were going to grab drinks. Clarke called to Raven and hand gestured two drinks. " Make them both doubles". She met Raven's big smile with her own. As Lexa approached her, the smile faded. She turned and sat on a small love seat against the wall across from the balcony. She was surprised when Lexa joined her on the same seat. She prayed Lexa would start their conversation. She was clearly still at loss for words. 

After Lexa sat down beside Clarke, she turned her legs at an angle towards her old friend. She made a fist with her right hand and tucked in under her left and put them in her lap. She looked at Clarke. Just took her in for a second. She was so happy to see her but also very nervous. She had thought about this moment thousands of times. Mostly within the first few years after their departure but the idea still crept into her dreams every now and then. She wondered if Clarke had ever thought of her.

" So, this was a surprise "

Clarke smiled and nodded.

" Octavia told me your names but I met a few Clarke's, so the idea that I'd being seeing you was unimaginable. "

" You're telling me..." Clarke was trying not to make too much eye contact. She didn't want it to seem weird. As if the situation could get more weird.

" Octavia said your name was Heda... or that everyone calls you that..." 

Lexa slightly smiled out of the side of her mouth. " Yeah, I'm surprised Lincoln never gave you my actual name though ."

" How come not a lot of people know it? "

" I got my nickname pretty early on the streets. You always introduce yourself with your street name... Unless it's something professional "

" Of course, what was I THINKING? " Clarke rolled her eyes.

Once again Clarke managed to pull a small grin from Lexa. She was still sarcastic. She always liked the sassy side of Clarke.

" I have to get back to my set in a minute but are we ok? Is the fact that we used to know each other going to change things? "

Used to know each other... That was a simplistic way to put it. They didn't just know each other. She could have said, the fact that we were best fucking friends. That would have been more legit. Is that how Lexa thought of their past? Just two people who disconnected with time. Without allowing her rage that was building in her chest get the best of her she shook her head. 

" No, definitely not. We need a roommate and you need a room. If we allowed a little history to screw things up for one another that'd be pretty dumb on all our parts."

" Well and it's not like it was a bad history, right? " Lexa lightly joked.

" Maybe the end was but yeah..." 

Lexa clenched her jaw at Clarke's answer and watched her as she got up off the seat beside her, to meet her friends approaching with their drinks. She kept her eyes on Clarke as she grabbed two dark drinks from Raven and downed one with two big gulps. Maybe her new roommate situation was going to be a little more complicated than she thought. By the sound of it though, despite Clarke's mild attitude, she wanted this to work. Clarke and Raven needed her as much as she needed them. They were adults. Any issues from the past could be brought up if not forgotten when she moved in. The unexpected reunion was a little much, being on edge made sense.

The group made their way over to Lexa and took spots around her but Clarke decidedly took a seat across from her rather than reclaim her spot next to her again. If Lexa was going to act like they barely had a history, she could do the same. She watched the group as they introduced Bellamy who never got a word in before. Without overwhelming Lexa they took turns at friendly questions and answered hers in return. Clarke didn't say anything she just watched. They all got along. Lexa looked as if she was enjoying their game of 21 questions yet unlike the rest of the gang she didn't show much expressions. Lincoln was right, she was stoic. She was also very observant. Lexa wasn't just listening to the group she was taking them in, reading their body language. Clarke supposed that is was a trait that both boxers and DJ's needed. She made eye contact with her old friend when Lexa's gaze crept over to her. Both of them emotionless, they took a moment to focus on each other. Clarke pulled her gaze away and looked down to the drink in her hand. Only for a second though, she looked back up to Lexa's eyes still on her who supplied her with a very quick, small side smile and stood up. 

" Clarke what time will you be home tomorrow? "

Clarke finally took her eyes off Lexa and turned to Raven. " Around two, probably".

" That actually works perfect for me. Can I stop by to give you that deposit? "

Clarke agreed and after the group said their goodbyes, Lexa shot down the steps and returned to her stage. She listened to the group agree that Lexa was going to be a good fit. She had wooed them all. Clarke looked down at her phone to check the time. Damn, it was late. Time to head home and maybe get a few hours of reading in. Maybe she'd get up early and attempt a few hours before class. She didn't know how realistic that thought was but she could attempt it. After debating with her friends on whether she should leave or not she said her goodbyes and headed down the balcony steps. Once she reached the bottom her eyes involuntarily made their way to Lexa standing behind a desk filled with her equipment. She was holding her headphones up against her left ear while she played with the dials. As Clarke made her way through the crowd she kept her eyes on the DJ who had a female friend on the stage with her. Maybe she worked there... That idea shot out of her head when she saw the attractive redhead put her arm around Lexa and kissed her on the cheek. She had a girlfriend... Clarke hadn't seen her in ten years. She didn't even know her. Why was this girl hanging all over her making her feel like someone just punched her in the gut. She turned her head and made her way to the exit.

 

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Once Clarke got home she cleaned up the house a bit. If Lexa was going to be there in the afternoon she wanted the place to look good and she defiantly wouldn't have time before or after her class. Lexa... Lexa would be in her house. Lexa... How could this even be a thing. Not only did she all of a sudden have her old friend re-appear but she was going to be living with her. After Clarke finished tidying up a bit, she poured herself a glass of red wine from the kitchen and made her way to her room. She grabbed a pair of black sweats and her favorite olive Henley long sleeve shirt. Finally feeling comfortable again she let her hair down. She should have been grabbing her backpack with her text books inside and taking a seat set to focus for the next few hours, yet she found herself at her closet pulling out totes filled with her old belongings. When she found what she thought was the right one, she pulled the light blue tote to the middle of her room and took a seat in front of it on the floor. She removed the lid and started removing old objects from her high school days. Her old soccer jersey was tossed in like it was the hamper. It smelled clean though so at least she washed it before throwing it in. She folded the shirt and put it on top of the trophies and year books she previously removed. She kept digging, she knew it was in there somewhere. Clarke reached for the already half empty wine glass and took a long sip while rooting through the last few items. Finally! She pulled the old sketch book from the tote and slid her butt backwards, book in one had, glass of wine in the other, she backed up till she felt her bed against her back. She leaned against it and stretched her legs out then crossed her right leg over the other. After sitting her now almost empty glass beside her, she opened up the book. 

Clarke quickly flipped through the first few pages, she knew they were simple doodles. She wanted to get to the good stuff and stopped when she got to where she wanted to be. She ran her fingers along the page. It wasn't just a drawing, it was a sweet memory of the first time she met Lexa. There were trees in the background and a side profile of a girl she had never met standing in front of flower cart, taking in all the beautiful aromas of a bundle of mixed flowers she just bought. Clarke remembered the day like it was yesterday. She was sitting on a park bench waiting for her mom to get off work at the doctor's office a few blocks down. She was going to doodle some scenic trees when she saw the girl and just started drawing. Apparently it was very noticeable that she was eyeing this girl because she approached Clarke and gave her a flower. Conversation started up and they became best friends. It was always so easy to make friends when you're young. No worries in the world and no one had tainted your soul yet. Clarke moved onto to the next page but a piece of a page fell out and landed on her lap. She lowered the book and picked up the torn drawing. It was ripped in half. Clarke remembered that day as well. She always hated drawing herself but Lexa insisted she needed a drawing of her best friend. There was no way Clarke was going to simply draw a portrait of herself so she sketched the both of them laying on her dads shed rooftop, side by side, as they always were, looking up at the night sky. When she was done she tore it in half so she could keep the portrait of her best friend and Lexa in turn, had her. She missed those days filled with big smiles and lots of laughter. With blue skies and dark green eyes. With the warmth of a friend on a cold rooftop under the stars and the comfort of her soul mate lying in bed cuddled up to her back. A time before heartbreak and abandonment. Before betrayal and anger. Before the loss of her father and before her soul was guilt ridden with the loss of two friends. Clarke grabbed for her wine glass and took the last few sips as she looked down at the old sketch of her then best friend. Feelings from ten years ago crept up on her and she felt sad and angry. She wanted to tear up the picture into a thousand little pieces to match the number of times she struggled with herself not to do just that. 

Clarke forced her feelings deep down once again and put the picture on the floor. She crawled over to the tote and tossed everything back inside, closed it up and pushed it back into the closet. After she got up she grabbed her glass, loose drawing and her sketch book and put them on her side table. She hit the lights and crawled into bed. She'd have to skim through the chapters she was supposed to read and hope the professor wasn't in the mood to interact with the students. If she was lucky he would simply give a nice long lecture but relying on luck was always a poor gamble. If there was any kind of luck she ever had it was always bad. Clarke closed her eyes and reluctantly ran flashbacks of her and Lexa's time together as teenagers and of their reunion that night until she finally fell asleep. 

 

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After leaving club Blaze, Lexa found herself being backed into a dark room by tall redhead. They were grabbing at each others hips and backs. Lexa had been there plenty of times and knew exactly where to aim her backwards walk. Once she was inside the room she turned left and continued until she felt the bed against the back of her legs. She roughly kissed the woman attached to her then backed herself onto the bed and the woman climbed on top of her. They kicked their shoes off.

" I've wanted this all night, Heda" She whispered against Lexa's neck before she playfully nipped at it.

" Jennifer, shut up please." Lexa grabbed at the bottom of the woman's shirt laying on top of her and slid it off quickly. 

Jennifer smiled at Lexa beneath her and put her lips against Lexa's ear and whispered " Make me." then sat up still straddling the woman below her.

Lexa took that challenge seriously. She sat up, wrapped her right arm around the girls waist, pulled her in tight against her body and flipped her onto to her back. She leaned into her and kissed her deeply. Their tongues pressing hard into each other, matched with gentle bites of the lower lips. Lexa sat up and removed her shirt, Jennifer grabbed at her still covered breasts. Lexa grabbed her wrists and pinned them against the bed then she positioned one leg in between the other girls and started to grind her midsection against Jennifer's as she slid her body up to catch a sloppy kiss. Jennifer bucked her hips as she felt Lexa's grind. Jennifer ran her fingers along the side of Lexa's bare ribs and didn't stop when felt fabric, Instead she tucked her hands underneath and grasped her ass pulling her down against her hard. 

After a few moments of rhythmically grinding and taking turns kissing and nipping at each others necks, Lexa lifted her torso slightly, putting most of weight one her fists she made against the bed to prop herself up, she looked at the Jennifer in the dark. The street light was streaming a line of light through the window and it slightly highlighted the girls facial features. But instead of taking in her hazel eyes for some reason Lexa was picturing blue. Instead of being able to appreciate Jennifer's bright red hair all she could see was blonde. Lexa tried shaking the idea of Clarke out of her head but she had been thinking of their fortuitous reunion all night. She had a pretty woman below her begging for pleasure and in turn wanting to reciprocate the action and yet she couldn't get her mind off her old friendship with Clarke or just how beautiful of an adult she became. Even in the dim lighting of the club Lexa noticed her always adorable teenage friend became this gorgeous woman. Lexa tried focusing when she felt Jennifer reach her head up and lick her neck. This time she literally shook her head trying to rid herself of the thought of Clarke and get back into a rhythm, which at some point during her flashes of Clarke she had paused. 

" Fuck me, Heda." Jennifer ran her hands up along Lexa's arms and tugged gently on her shoulders to bring her down on top of her.

Lexa rested her wrists and put all her weight on the girl, she leaned on her left forearm for extra support. Her right hand cupped Jennifer's jaw automatically making her marginally open her mouth. Lexa lowered her head and stuck her tongue in the girl's mouth. It was met with right away and followed Lexa's back out of her mouth in more want and Lexa supplied. She ran her hand down Jennifer's chest and roughly grabbed at the girls breasts feeling her hard nipple underneath her palm. She then ran her hand along the bare side of the girls torso and inched it underneath her back. Jennifer was following suit. Her body moving to adapt to Lexa's every touch. Lexa lowered her hand further when she felt the waist line of her jeans. She tucked her hand underneath, grabbed her ass pulling it upwards till they were grinding hard against each other. She did it in such a rough manner as though she thought if their bodies could push hard enough against one another's, she'd be able to physically push the thought of Clarke out of her mind. It didn't work. As Jennifer grabbed at the small of lexa's back all she could think about was when she kissed Clarke. It was such a quick kiss. Gentle and dry, only lasting a moment but she remembered how soft and cold Clarke's lips were to the touch. She had thought about it so often in the first few months after she left. What a mistake that was. Leaving the last person in the world that she cared about and in turn the only person who cared for her. 

"Shit. " Lexa lifted herself and rolled off Jennifer. She laid beside her and put her arm over her eyes. " I'm Sorry. I can't do this." She edged herself to the side of the bed and put her feet to the floor. She hunched over.

" Hey, what's the matter?" Jennifer stayed laying on her back but stretched her arm out to Lexa and touched the base of her spine.

" I'm just not feeling it. "

Jennifer gently pinched lexa's side. " It felt like you were feeling a lot "

" I... My heads just not in it. There's too much on my mind right now. " 

" Well maybe this is exactly what you need. A release. "

" That's what I thought but I have a million things going on in my head right now except this. " Lexa knew it was a lie. She only had one thing on her mind. One person. That would hurt Jennifer a lot more though.

" Nice to hear I have such a great effect on you."

" Lexa turned to look behind her at Jennifer. " Sorry. It's not like that. You know that. I have a lot going on, that's all." She grabbed for her shirt and pulled it over her head but didn't get up. 

" You could stay you know. "

Lexa reached down to grab her shoes and started putting them on. " When have I ever spent the night? "

" I don't mean sleep here, I mean just because we're not going to fuck doesn't mean you have to leave right away. We could, I don't know, actually hang out. Talk for once. "

Lexa took a deep breath and let go. There it was. This inevitable conversation. She refused to have it tonight. She stood up and turned to Jennifer still laying on the bed they way she left her. 

" It's late, I'm stressed out, and I'm tired. We'll do it another time, okay? ". 

Lexa wasn't actually giving her an option and Jennifer knew it. She didn't even try to fight her on it. She looked down at the disappointed redhead and crawled onto the bed laying on her stomach she crossed her arms in front of her and rested her head on them.

" Don't be mad Jenn. You know I have a lot going on. " She smirked as Jennifer rolled her eyes at her.

" You knew what you were getting yourself into when we started this. " 

" Fine, but you owe me a night full of orgasms and I plan on collecting." Jennifer grabbed the back of Lexa's neck and planted her lips on her for a hard kiss.

After Lexa pulled away she climbed off the bed and agreed she would pay in full next time. She said goodbye and headed home. Only a few hours left till the morning light would grace the city with it's presence and before she knew it she'd be on her way to see the woman she couldn't stop thinking about. A part of her was excited to see her again, the other part was quite weary. Clarke didn't exactly act like their reunion was something to celebrate, she doubted that her old friend spent the night with her, in mind. Once she got home she climbed into bed and slipped into a not so dreamless sleep guest starring Clarke.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright readers, we're finally at the point where there will be plenty of Clexa moments! Took long enough, am I right? LOL  
> Thanx again for the kudos, and comments, and really a thanx to anyone that takes their time to read this story. Who saw Lexa for the finale? She was amazing, I miss her. Clexa kiss...Yay. No ILY from Lexa? Rude. Anyways, here we go...

"Carotid artery disease is also called carotid artery stenosis. The term refers to the narrowing of the carotid arteries."

Clarke sat in class staring at her professor with blank, wide eyes. What the hell was he talking about? When had they moved onto arteries? She knew there was no point in attending class when she didn't even get one chapter read last night. The few drinks she had at the club plus the glass of wine she had before bed supplied her with a fairly solid, dreamless night. Alcohol seemed to be the only way she got in a few hours without any unnecessary nightmares. The problem was she wanted to get up early and skim through the chapters she was behind on, which certainly did not happen. Not only that but she had to basically run through the campus to even get to class on time. Now here she was in class, not even taking notes and not really even paying attention and when she did, the professor kept spewing out these giants words that made her brain hurt.

"... the carotid arteries can also develop atherosclerosis."

Clarke shook her head. There he goes again.

" What the fuck did he just say ? "

Clarke turned her head to the right to see Harper whispering in her ear. She lightly giggled and confessed, " I have no fucking clue ". Both girls laughed and Harper climbed over the seat in front of her to take a seat next to Clarke.

" Good to know I'm not the only one who isn't paying attention. "

" I'm paying attention, Harper, just... not to him... " Clarke made a funny sideways grin to her friend. Harper made a funny face back.

She better stop fooling around. Last thing she needed was the professor to notice they aren't paying attention and ask her a question she most definitely couldn't answer.

" Ok. Shhh". She pointed at the teacher. She wasn't going to pay any attention to what he was saying but he didn't have to know that. Not too long now and she'd be free... Free to go home and see Lexa. She still couldn't believe it. She had so many questions for her. She didn't plan on going crazy and asking them all at once though. That'd be weird. She knew it was going to take time for them to get reacquainted. The question was, did she even want to? Thinking back to last night, her trip down memory lane was great but the happy flashback quickly turned into an angry mood. How could she still have harsh feeling towards her old friend. It had been ten years. She had found and lost many friends. Most were just friends moving on with their lives. Going to college or getting jobs and they drifted apart. It was no big deal and for the most part she never thought twice about it. When she did it was because she ran into the person. They would supply each other with pleasantries and move on. So why is it that when she thought of Lexa she had mixed emotions? A part of her wanted to just grab her and hug her. Hold her tight and confess how much she has missed her this entire time. Another part of her wanted to spit in her face, call her a bitch and break her heart. Apparently she never got rid of the empty feeling inside her heart from her friends abandonment, maybe a blackness filled the emptiness and that was why she could never hold a decent relationship. Romantic or other. Her heart was damaged goods. At least she knew it. She never gave false hope to those she did periodically get intimate with and it served her well. If she didn't have a heart to put on the line, it could never be hurt again.

 

" Hey, I say we go ask that chick over there to go for coffee with us, then we can bum her notes off her. " Harper pointed to a short Asian girl in the front row of the class.

" Oh my god, we don't even know her and you want to borrow her notes..."

" Clearly that's why we're going to coffee with her."

Clarke laughed as her and Harper got out of their seats and started heading for the doors. If Harper hadn't started talking about the girl with notes she wouldn't have even realized that class was over. Hopefully Harper payed enough attention to know what chapters they were supposed to read before next class.

" Wait, for me. " 

Clarke watched Harper walk over to the girl and start a conversation. She was actually doing it. Clarke couldn't help but laugh when she saw the girl shake her head and Harper turned around with a sad face.

" Whatever happened to making friends in college? "

Clarke laughed. " Well this is University, different rules here. Everyone's out for themselves ."

They both laughed and made their way to a coffee shop on the school grounds. As they approached the shop, Clarke heard her name being called and she turned around. Monty was jogging his way over to her. She hadn't seen him in a few weeks. 

" Hey stranger. "

"Hey Clarke, I didn't know if you heard me at first. "

" Well I did, I was just trying to ignore you." 

" Funny. "

" It's nice to see you Monty. We need to start hanging out again. You know Raven misses your guys' hacker time."

" I know, I've just been busy. "

" Well come inside and have coffee with us." Clarke motioned to her quiet friend. " This is Harper."

The two gave each other friendly head bobs with small smiles. The trio made their way inside and took a seat. After catching each other up on the last few weeks Clarke hesitantly asked about his best friend.

" How's Jasper doing? "

" He's in rehab again. I think this time will be different though. He's had more time. "

" Sometimes all the time in the world doesn't help. " It was a sad but true statement. Clarke had been going through the same situation. She knew exactly the kind of demons Jasper was fighting with. She fought with them herself every damn day.

Clarke changed the subject and put attention on Harper who was eyeing Monty quite a bit. He was pretty shy though when it came to girls. Maybe she could nudge him a little bit and they could start something up. They'd be cute together. She watched as they started up their own little conversation and Clarke took that as a cue to give them a little alone time, which was a good thing because she only had an hour to get back to the apartment to meet Lexa. She bid her friends a goodbye and headed home.

\-----------------------------

Once Clarke got home she cleaned up the kitchen from last nights Raven and Bellamy's midnight munchie spree. Raven usually cleaned up after herself but much like Clarke she woke up late and rushed off to work, with Bellamy following out the door after her. She didn't mind cleaning up a bit, Raven has cleaned plenty of her messes. She finished up and with a big stomach growl she made her way to the fridge. No food. Typical. She needed to go grocery shopping but she was starving now. Chugging a bottle of water will have to do for now, maybe after Lexa left she'd run to the store. She needed more wine anyways. As she closed the fridge door she heard a knock and went over to the door. She looked through the peep-hole and saw the person she was expecting. Normal people would have just opened the door without any thought, but Clarke's anxiety was building up. She leaned her forehead against the door. " Breathe" and with that she took a deep breath, exhaled and opened the door.

" Lexa, hey. Come on in." 

Lexa gave a small smile as she passed by her. " Clarke."

" Can I get you a drink or something... and by something I mean water, because it's all we have. " 

Lexa turned around to see Clarke's smiling face. " Sure"

Clarke moved over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle out of the fridge and handed it to Lexa. She looked so good. Her dark hair was hanging down, over a tight black hoodie which had a red line down the right front side. She was wearing perfectly fitting black cargo pants. The club was so dark but here she could see all of Lexa's facial features. As Lexa took the bottle they made eye contact and Clarke noticed how her old friends eyes have gotten lighter. They used to be a dark green, now brighter with hints of blue. They were beautiful, much like the face that carried them. She took a deep breath. Get yourself together Clarke.

" Are you ready for the five cent tour? "

" Lead on."

Clarke pointed to the living room, it was pretty self explanatory and made her way to the bathroom. " Raven has her own bathroom, so it'll be just us sharing". 

Lexa nodded her head and followed Clarke down a small hallway. She checked out everything. Took the whole place in. From the large windows to the art they had on the walls and she couldn't help herself when her eyes involuntarily checked out the woman walking in front of her. She noticed so much more about her today. In the daylight, without loud music ringing in her ears and people buzzing all around them. Clarke was shorter than her. Not by much, only a couple of inches. Lexa was always taller than her but she thought it was the age difference. She was a couple of years older and had wondered plenty of times in the past if Clarke would have matched her height at some point. Turned out she didn't. Her hair was a brighter blonde than she noticed the night before, it hung loose down her white T-shirt just past her shoulders. Her eyes continued lower down Clarke's shirt to her tight black jeans. Attraction wasn't a strong enough word for the way she was feeling. Lexa focused back on the apartment as Clarke supplied her with a commentary of the place. 

This place was nice. The ceiling was high, nice dark wood flooring and most of the walls were a light brick. She noticed from outside, the building was an old warehouse turned into an apartment building. Looked good on the outside. Looked even better on the inside. It was a modern meets urban style and she liked that. At the end of the hall, Clarke pointed out that her room was opposite hers, then took her into what would be her room. Most of Octavia's things have been removed but there was a bed and a few boxes left. The room was a good size. The whole apartment seemed to have a very open concept. She liked the fact that the brick walls were also in the bedrooms. She'd be able to mount her pull up bar unlike her old place, where if she attached anything to the walls, it would probably cause the whole damn place to collapse. She loved the giant windows. They took up the whole side of the wall on the back of the apartment and although She hadn't seen Clarke or Ravens room, she pictured the back walls to each of their rooms to be the same.

" This place is perfect."

" Right? We were lucky to find it. Raven and I love it."

Lexa's insides cringed when she heard 'Raven and I'. Clearly raven had taken the spot she used to have. It's been a long time, why should that even bother her? It didn't make sense in her head yet her body naturally reacted in a negative way.

" Yeah I can see why."

" So the place you're in now is pretty bad? "

" Pretty bad doesn't even begin to cover it. " Lexa made her way to the window and took in the concrete scenery. She bet it was something to look at when it was night. She looked over to Clarke who joined her. They both took a silent moment to enjoy the view. She wanted to say so much. She had tons of questions. She wanted to know what had been going on in Clarke's life. She was clearly a very different person than when she last saw her. That alone was the reason she didn't ask any of the questions that were racing in her mind. She didn't know her anymore. They were basically strangers. It had been so long it seemed like a different life and yet here they were, standing in a comfortable silence, which wasn't something that strangers did. A familiarity still lived among them. Lexa wondered if they'd only become roommates or if their old friendship could be rebuilt with time. She wondered if she could handle only being roommates with her. She took in a deep breath and once she gained enough courage she finally spoke.

" Clarke... I know this is something we all need but... are we going to be ok? " Lexa didn't take her eyes off the view outside but she saw from her peripherals that Clarke turned her head and was looking at her. She didn't make an attempt at eye contact. 

Clarke was glad she asked the question. It meant she was thinking about their past and what it would mean for them to be living together. Knowing she was also thinking about it gave her a peace of mind. She wasn't the only one over thinking the situation. She would be pissed if Lexa came in there, acting like they were complete strangers as if their history was non existent, in turn she'd probably be more pissed if Lexa had walked in there like they were still best friends. Lexa asking her such a simple question allowed her to realize that there was respect there. Lexa needed to make sure that she was comfortable with this situation. Lexa was asking her a real question and she deserved to have a real answer. 

" Honestly... I don't know." Clarke watched as Lexa lowered her head. There wasn't much expression but it did look to be out of disappointment. Clarke took a deep breath and felt the need to continue.

" We were best friends.You left and I was mad... but ten years is a long time. We both have moved on."

Lexa decided to make eye contact. She needed to see if Clarke was being real with her or just spouting lies because she needed to fill the room they were standing in. Clarke looked confident in the words she was supplying.

" Ten years or not, I don't think we can just live together like we used to be strangers. We were friends Clarke and since fate has brought us back together, I'd like to be that once again."

Clarke laughed in her head about the fate comment but she only supplied Lexa with a smile, she didn't want to offend her beliefs.

" Fate, huh, you believe in that stuff? "

Lexa nodded her head and watched as Clarke broke the eye contact to look outside once again.

" Then why didn't fate bring us back together a lot sooner?" Clarke spat out the words without even thinking. 

" Maybe it was waiting for the right moment."

Clarke chuckled lightly. " Personally, I think it's timing is a little off." Clarke watched as Lexa turned her whole body towards her. She looked her up and down quickly and then fixed on her eyes.

" We can't change the past Clarke, we can only play the cards we've been dealt right now and I'm laying all my cards on the table. We don't want to get ourselves in a situation we're going to regret right away. "

Clarke nodded her head. " You're right, we can't change the past but we also can't predict the future. However, I am willing to work on the present. I can't guarantee the outcome will be what either of us want but if you're willing to try then so am I. You used to always say, that you lived day-to-day and that's all we can do here. Maybe we'll end up friends or maybe we'll just be roommate's sharing a space until we can move on, who's to say as adults we're even compatible as friends."

Lexa gave Clarke a hopeful smile. " Or maybe we'll become best friends again."

Clarke's heart was racing. Hearing how much hope Lexa had for their friendship made her realize just how much she was hoping for the same. All day she kept telling herself that she didn't know if she would even want a friendship with her, like she was trying to convince herself, but now knowing how Lexa felt she knew that it was in fact what she wanted. She didn't know if the anger that rose up in her chest when she thought of her old friend abandoning her would ever fade but she wanted to find out. As much as she wanted this, she had to play it off a bit. She turned and walked towards the bedroom door forcing Lexa's gaze to her back. She wondered if Lexa would take the chance to check her out the same way Clarke had taken every chance of her own to inspect Lexa's features when she wasn't looking. She slightly turned back to Lexa with a grin on her face, before making her way out of the room.

" Let's not get too ahead of ourselves." 

Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke head of out the room, then followed her down the hall to the kitchen where Clarke hopped up on the counter and chugged some water. Lexa went into her pocket grabbed two cheque's and handed them to Clarke then leaned her back against the kitchen island across from her and took a sip of her own bottle.

Clarke viewed the cheque's to make sure the numbers were correct. She then grabbed the housing contract her and Raven printed up, beside her, she also grabbed a pen and leaned over to hand them to Lexa whose hand met her half way. She couldn't help but watch Lexa as she filled out the form. Her eyes kept grazing from her face and down her body. Once she got used to seeing her all the time she was sure that her constant peering would come to an end. Although it never did when they were teenagers. Simply watching Lexa was a hobby in itself back then, but she wasn't some love struck teenager any more. She was an adult who could control herself. Keep lying to yourself Clarke.

" So when do you want to move in? "

" When is a good time for you guys? "

" We don't care. You can move in any time between now and the end of the month."

" Really? "

Clarke laughed. " You're clearly in a hurry to get out of that place. You've already paid. Move in tomorrow if you want."

" I thought Octavia hasn't completely moved out yet."

" She only has a few boxes left here and her bed but she said that was staying? "

" Yeah, I'm buying it off her. She said she didn't need it for Lincoln's place, and everything I had was stolen..."

" Wait, someone stole your bed? "

" They literally took everything except for some boxes filled with old stuff and my DJ equipment which was because I had it with me at the time."

" That sucks. Is that why you want to move so bad? "

" There are multiple reasons I want out of that place. If you ever saw it, you'd understand. I only lived there a few months and was already planning on moving when the break in happened. It really sucks having to start over. I've done it too many times in the past."

Clarke was always so quick to judge Lexa in the past when she thought of her leaving that she never really thought about what Lexa could have possibly been gong through at the time. She had gone through plenty of hardships herself. Assuming Lexa's life was great when she left made it easier to hold a grudge. Talking to her now she knew that Lexa's hard times didn't stop when she left town. 

" Well I'll text Octavia and find out if she can pick up her stuff tonight, if not, we can just move her boxes into the living room and you can move in as soon as tomorrow if you want."

" That would actually be pretty great. You don't think Raven is going to mind that I'm moving in early? "

" No, Raven is super easy-going."

" Ok, well I'll probably move in tomorrow afternoon then. "

" Sounds good to me. Are you gonna need any help? I'll be at work but Raven will be around I think."

" No, I'm good. Used to doing things myself."

When Clarke noticed Lexa on the last page signing her part, she hopped off the counter and took a spot beside her new roommate. 

" I think that's it."

Clarke gently snatched the pen out of Lexas hand and put it to the paper, signing her part. Raven had already signed it before she went to work knowing she wouldn't be there. Both girls were leaning against the island counter side by side. After Clarke finished her signature she tossed the pen in front of her and dropped her arm. It only took a second for her to realize their forearms were pressed up against each other. She looked over to her Lexa who was already focusing on her face. After a few seconds of soft eye contact Lexa supplied her with a small side smile. Clarke's stomach tightened and she became short of breath. Her eyes quickly glanced as Lexa's full lips.They looked so soft. Once again, get it together, entered her mind. She quickly shot her eyes down to the counter and stepped away from Lexa. 

" So I guess that's about it then..."

Lexa smirked at Clarke. Usually girls didn't feel the need to pull away from her. The slightest touch usually brought them in closer. Clarke and her had natural chemistry and it was a little funny watching Clarke make a point to fight it, whether she realized how obvious she was being or not.

" Yeah, I better get going. I have a class in an hour. "

" Do you go to school? "

" Ha, no, school was never my thing. No, I teach a few boxing classes. "

" That must be pretty fun."

" It can be pretty fun, especially the kids classes."

" You teach kids how to fight? "

" I teach them how to defend themselves... and kick a little ass."

Clarke shared a small laugh with lexa. " Maybe you can teach me a few things one day."

" Sure, anytime, I'll even give you a discount."

" Don't I feel special."

"You always were." Lexa knew Clarke was just playing around but her response was serious and she didn't mean for it to slip out. Once again they shared a moment of staring silence. 

"Anyways, I'm gonna head out." Lexa turned and headed for the door.

" Wait, don't forget these." Clarke handed lexa a set of keys. " It doesn't matter if we're here or not, but I'll let Raven know tomorrow is move in day."

Lexa put the keys in her pocket, and headed for the front door. She opened the door, and turned to Clarke who had followed her. They said their goodbyes and she headed to the gym.

\------------------------------

After Lexa's classes were over she had a good training session with Anya. She did better at concentrating this time. Anya noticed and made her work extra hard since her head was in it. 

" alright, hit the bags, I'm spent."

Lexa laughed. " You're getting old."

Anya gave her a good jab to her upper arm. She pulled up a stool and watched Lexa take her always pent-up anger out on the bag, the way she couldn't with her.

" I'm glad you got that place, your head is in it tonight."

" Things are working out." Lexa was thinking of Clarke.

" What's that? " Anya gave Lexa a funny look.

Lexa stopped hitting the bag and looked at her. " What? "

Anya leaned over to Lexa and pointed at her mouth. " That big ass grin on your face."

Lexa chuckled and went back to hitting the bag. " I'm glad shit's working out. That's all."

" No, it's more than that. I haven't seen you with that big of a smile since Costia..." Anya regretted her words as soon as they came out. It was always a touchy subject for Lexa.

Lexa paused her jabbing routine and grabbed the swinging bag. She closed her eyes for a moment and her old flame Costia entered her mind.

" Sorry. I didn't... "

Lexa opened her eyes and looked over to Anya. " It's ok to say her name, Anya. It's been a long time." She let go of the bag and grabbed for a stool and pulled it up beside her friend. 

" So... Is it that Clarke chick? "

Lexa gave Anya a confused look. " How..."

" Octavia and Lincoln mentioned you and her knew each other. As soon as they told me her name , I knew exactly who she was."

Lexa simply nodded her head. She had known Anya long enough that she had told her about her whole life, before she met her. Clarke was apart of that conversation.

" I thought maybe it was going to complicate things but we had a good chat today. Things are going to work out. I have a new place. An old friend is back in my life. I have a steady gig happening, my fight is in a couple of weeks, and I feel confident. Life is good."

" I'm glad you're in good place. When are you moving in? "

" They're letting me move in tomorrow actually. I'll take all my stuff over before my classes. Mañana I'll be showering in a nice bathroom then going to sleep in a comfy bed inside of a nice safe home."

" Good, it's about time. Do you need help with all of your three boxes?" Anya gave her a big smile.

" Funny! I have seven boxes actually... and yeah, maybe I do need help."

Anya hopped off her stool. " Ok, cool.. well there are professionals you can hire for that."

" Ha, those jokes though." Lexa got up off her stool and both of them made their way to the locker rooms.

" Pick me up after my class... Not that I wanna help you or anything, but I want to see your new digs."

Lexa agreed and she undressed and climbed into the showers. Anya changed and went home. She was lucky enough to have a shower that worked at her place. Soon she would have the same. When she was all done, she got dressed and headed home. She needed to pack up a few things, and then planned on attempting to grab a few hours of sleep. Hopefully her neighbors would allow her last night there to be peaceful.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long.Thanks for following the story.

Lexa had gotten up early to pack up her clothes and last few items she had around her tiny bachelor suite. It didn't take long to get it all together. She had phoned the landlord and told him she was moving out today and she'd leave the key in the mailbox. She didn't care that she wasn't getting her damage deposit back. She needed to be rid of the place. She carried all of the boxes to her old jeep and closed it up. She drove to the gym and picked up Anya who still wanted to see her new place. She'd get her to help with the boxes, that way it'd be fewer trips. The loft was on the third floor, but there was an old elevator they would use. She was excited to get her things inside and call it her home. She also wanted to get the first night out of the way. She had roommates before and once you got passed the first night of everyone running into each other and the first initial conversations, things smoothed out well.  
Once they got to the apartment, they both grabbed as many boxes as they could handle, and made their way upstairs. Lexa let herself in knowing no one was home. Clarke had texted her earlier saying Raven would be out all day. She had the place to herself, only for a few hours though, then she'd be heading out to work.

" Damn, nice digs... Look at you, moving up in the world."

" I know right? I'm gonna have to start hanging out with some higher class people now... I'm sure I'll find time for you though."

Anya nudged Lexa with her elbow. It was that or throw the two boxes she was holding at her.

" So where's your room, I don't want to be holding this stuff all day."

" Come on."

Anya followed Lexa down a short hallway and into her new room. She placed the boxes on her bed and looked around. " Your new room is bigger than your old place."

" It's sad that you're not even an exaggerating. Look at my view though."

" Can I move in to? We can bring in bunk beds."

" You're hilarious and we'll just hang a sock on the door knob when we bring someone home right?"

" Please, you don't bring girls home. You love them, then leave them. At their place."

They shared a laugh. She wasn't wrong. She was never a fan of relationships and she enjoyed sleeping alone. Why sleep in someone else's bed when you can have the comfort of your own? Both girls headed through the loft and downstairs to grab the last few boxes and brought them upstairs. After putting the boxes in her room they went through the living room and went outside onto the balcony. Lexa didn't go out there yesterday. Much like her bedroom there was a nice view of the surrounding buildings. They both leaned their elbows against the steel rail.

" So when do I get to meet Clarke?"

" Why do you want to meet Clarke? You don't ask to meet any of the other girls I bring into my life."

" That's 'cause there's no point. They don't stick around long enough for me to meet them. Besides Clarke isn't some stranger you're fucking. She used to mean a lot to you."

" Key word there. Used to. Past tense Anya."

" Don't play off your feelings to me Lexa. I know you. You're excited to have her back in your life."

Lexa took a deep breath and exhaled. She could never lie to Anya about anything. " You're right but our relationship is going to take some time. You two will meet, don't worry."

" I'm not worried ... Like you could keep me away from your long-lost love." Anya nudged Lexa.

" Stop! You better not go on like that when you meet her."

" What's the matter? Your true love doesn't have a sense of humor?"

" Anya, I will toss your ass over this balcony."

Anya put her arm around Lexa's shoulder and pulled her in close. " Don't worry. I won't embarrass you, even though that's what family is for."

Lexa widely smile at Anya. It was true. Anya found her when she had no one, took her in and cared for her. That's what family does. Not that she'd know from experience but it was something Anya taught her. Bond could be thicker than blood and they were as thick as thieves.

" Come on, I'll buy you lunch before we hit the gym."

Both of them headed inside. Maybe after work she'd pick up some food. Now that she had a fridge that actually worked, she could start bringing food home. They headed out and Lexa locked the door behind her. She hoped that she would see Clarke later that night when she got home.

\----------------------------------------------

 

The street was dark. Clarke looked down the long bend as it disappeared into blackness. Nothing but a deep silhouette of trees along the concrete. She turned around moving slowly, her chest ached and her head was pounding. Low lights glistened across the wet pavement. Pulsatile sounds invaded her head. Shadows dispersed around behind her.

" Clarke, are you ok?"

Her head was throbbing, she could just make out the words. Blood dripped onto her hand, She looked up at Raven, blood dripping of her pant leg.

" Clarke, come on, we need to get out of the road."

She slowly looked at the metal destruction around her. Glass was scattered on the ground beneath her. There was a strong aroma of gas. Raven was dragging her to the side of the road into the dirt.

" Clarke, get up! Maya, She's...."

She felt another hand grabbing at her right bicep pulling her off the ground.

" You need to help her."

" Jasper, Jesus Christ, let her go, She's in shock."

Clarke felt herself drop to the ground. She shook her head trying to shake loose the never-ending hum inside her head.

" She needs to help her Raven! "

Clarke looked up at her arguing friends. She could just barely make out their words. She looked off the road a little further. She could see a still body drenched in red. She climbed to her knees and saw another body lying beside Maya. It was so dark. She needed to get closer. She tried to stand, but her knees were too weak to hold her weight. She stumbled back to the dirt.

" Come on."

Jasper was helping her up. They walked towards the bodies and as they reached them, Jasper let her go and rushed to Maya's side. Clarke was barely keeping her self upright. She looked down at Jasper holding his girlfriend. There was blood everywhere. Her eyes glanced to the other body. Finn.

" Oh my god, Finn"

She moved around Jasper and Maya and knelt down to Finn. He wasn't moving. A piece of scrap metal stuck out of his gut. Dark red soaked his clothes. Raven knelt beside her. Tears were filling her eyes and she reached to touch his neck. He wasn't moving but she needed to search for a pulse. Raven stopped her, grabbed her hand gently and pulled it back.

" He's gone Clarke."

" Dammit, Clarke! Maya needs you! "

Clarke looked back over to Jasper, Maya was barely moving but she was still breathing. She turned around and pushed Jasper's hands off her stomach. She lifted her shirt. Blood was pouring out of her. Clarke could feel her jeans becoming dampened. She looked down a them. It wasn't from the semi wet dirt beneath her. She was kneeling in a pool of Maya's blood.

" Give me your jacket! " Clarke motioned to Jasper and he quickly supplied it to her. She rolled it up and put pressure on Mia's large abdominal wound.

" Keep pressure. We need to stop the bleeding."

" That's it ? You need to help her Clarke! "

" I'm not a doctor Jasper, she needs a hospital. Right now we need to focus on the bleeding."

Clarke tried to stand. She needed to find something. Anything. she didn't even know what she needed or what could help, if anything. As she put all her weight on her wobbly legs, she fell to the ground.

" Fuck, Clarke, don't try standing."

Raven was at her side. Clarke's eyes shot to her leg. Ravens pants were ripped, the blood wasn't dripping off her anymore. She had tied a piece of her ripped pants around her leg.

" Are you ok? " Clarke gently touched her leg.

" I'm fine."

" Did you call for ambulance? "

" Yes, we're going to be ok."

" Clarke! Clarke! "

Clarke turned her head and look behind her. Maya was shaking. Raven helped her over to the girl's side.

" Put this under her head. Don't hold her down! "

Clarke handed Jasper her jacket and he did as she said. She watched with wide eyes as Maya's body became still.Her arms fell to her sides. She watched as her friends breathing became more and more shallow with every breath. Jasper was yelling at her. She couldn't make out what he was saying anymore. She just kept staring at Maya's lifeless body. The pool of blood beneath her was thick and soaked into her pants. She looked down at her hands, also lined with a dark red,sticky substance. She sat there. Silent. looking at her palms.  
Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Clarke"

She turned her head to the clear sound of her name.

" Lexa ? What are you..."

Lexa dropped her hand to Clarke with an open palm. Clarke grabbed a hold and she was pulled up off the ground. The constant hum in her head finally came to a stop. She looked at her friend in the dark. A small smile lined her face.

" Come with me, Clarke"

Lexa lightly tugged on Clarke's hand as she started to walk towards to dark treeline. Only the moon's light guiding their way.Clarke stopped. Where were they going. What about the others. She looked back to the road but it was dark and empty.

" Clarke, what are you doing? Come back to bed."

Clarke turned around, and saw Lexa lying in her bed. How did she get to her room. She looked around confused then she looked down to her blood stained hands, only they weren't. They were clean. Out of no where, Lexa was grabbing onto them. She looked at her teenage friend, smiling at her in the dark of her room.

" Come on."

Clarke allowed Lexa to pull her towards the bed. They climbed in and Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke.

" I don't know what's..."

" Ssshhh , Clarke. I'm here. You're not alone. It's ok. You'll never have to be alone again."

Clarke bathed in Lexa's words. Feeling at ease, she took a deep breath then she moved her body backwards into Lexa closer, and her friend tightened her grip around her waist.

 

Clarke jumped at the sound of a bang at the front door. Her text-book falling to the floor, she propped herself up and watched as Lexa came through it holding onto a few bags. Lexa looked over to her.

" Oh my god, did I just wake you up ? "

" What? No..."

Lexa raised an eyebrow at her answer. She clearly knew she was asleep.

" Yeah, it's ok though. I should be thanking you." Clarke gave a little giggle and watched as Lexa made her way to the kitchen to unload her bags.

Lexa looked over to her. " Got stuff to do, or weird dreams? "

Clarke got off the couch and made her way to the kitchen. she hopped herself up on the granite island counter.

" Weird isn't a strong enough word for it."

She watched Lexa slowly put her groceries away, while she remembered her dream. There was a thin between simply dreaming and having not just one but two actual memories invade her mind while she was asleep.The memories were distorted, mere fragments of the actual events but they seemed real in the moment.Her mind quickly went blank as she watched Lexa reach up to put a box of something on the top shelf of her cupboard. Her eyes gazed to Lexa's now bare waist as she stretched her body to reach. Clarke felt heat rise in her cheeks as she tried to focus her eyes on something else but she couldn't. Lexa turned around and Clarke's eyes shot up to meet her new roommates gaze. Lexa gave her a small smile at the corner of her mouth, and as Clarke felt the hydration in her body fade away she licked her lips and broke the stare.

" How was the move in? "

Lexa leaned against the counter, now done with her groceries, and opened up a bag of marshmallows. She offered the bag to Clarke, who happily grabbed a few.

" It was good. My friend Anya helped. There was only a few boxes."

" That's good. Sorry we weren't here to help out."

" No worries." Lexa popped a marshmallow into her mouth and looked around her new kitchen.

" We checked out the balcony. I didn't do that before. Nice view."

" It is yeah."

"So since we're sharing the bathroom, I usually shower pretty late after I get home from the gym, is that ok, or does it mess with your schedule?"

" No, it'll be fine. I mean, I do usually have a shower or bath before bed, but I'll just make sure I do it while you're gone."

lexa nodded her head in agreement. She watched as Clarke looked everywhere in the kitchen, except for at her. Maybe if she closed the giant space between them she'd have no choice but to look at her. She took a few steps towards Clarke and reached for the watch on her wrist. It looked familiar. She watched Clarke's eyes shoot over to her and watch her gently put her hand on Clarke's wrist, moving her thumb along the face of the watch. She never took her eyes off of Clarke's. She was a little surprised that Clarke was allowing her to be so brazen. Clarke didn't move. She simply watched her hand on her wrist.

" Your dad gave you his watch? "

Clarke shot her eyes up at Lexa and peered into her bright jade eyes.

"I kind of just took it after he...." Clarke looked to the side of her. " after he passed away."

Lexa removed her hand from Clarke's wrist and took a step back.

" Clarke I'm sorry, I didn't Know."

Clarke looked back at Lexa. She could see the sympathy in her eyes.

" How could you have? " Lexa looked away from her. She watched as Lexa looked passed her and tightened her jaw. There was angry sparks starting to ignite in her chest but at the same time she couldn't stop gazing at Lexa's side profile. That sharp jaw line was intoxicating.

Lexa took another step away from Clarke, she didn't attempt any eye contact." I'm sorry Clarke."

" It's ok. It was a long time ago. How could you have known... It's not like you were around or anything."

Lexa ignored Clarke's angry words.

" When did it happen? "

" Four months after you disappeared." By the look on Lexa's face, Clarke's little jab pierced her.

" I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa looked into Clarke's bright blue eyes." I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

The small sparks inside of Clarke's chest grew into a small flame and she hopped off the island counter and landed toe to toe in front of Lexa. She leaned her head in slightly invading Lexa's personal space.

" I was sorry too." Clarke turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Lexa watched as Clarke moved through the living room and made her way to the balcony. She didn't want to fight with her. It was her first night there. At the same time she just forced Clarke into sad memories about losing her father and since she wasn't there for that, maybe if Clarke allowed her, she could be there for this moment. Clarke would probably get mad and push her away but she needed to try.  
She could see Clarke's blonde hair blowing with the wind, strands catching on the back of her grey tank top. She watched as Clarke crossed her bare arms, clearly trying to shield herself from the winds chill. Her instincts from ten years took over her mind and body and she needed to protect Clarke from the cold. From everything. She stepped into the living room she saw a folded up blanket on the edge of the couch, she grabbed it and headed to the balcony. Clarke didn't say anything to her when she approached her. She didn't even look at her. She stepped beside her and wrapped the blanket around Clarke's bare shoulders. She was a little taken back when Clarke didn't refuse the blanket. Instead she reach up and pulled the ends of the blanket closer to her chest. Clarke remained looking out onto the city lights, which was a beautiful view, just as Lexa knew it would be but she couldn't take her eyes off Clarke. For the last ten years she has wondered how Clarke may have matured, never thinking she'd actually see her again. Now here she was standing in front her, wrapped in a blanket she draped over her. She knew Clarke was angry with her but it didn't matter. She would happily take angry Clarke over no Clarke at all. She finally focused her eyes out onto the lighted city.

" I should have been there."

"Yeah, you should have been."

The anger in her words was like a dagger through her heart. She wasn't going to argue with her. She wasn't going to put the blame or anger that she had towards Clarke, because she chose not to go with her, on her friend. Instead she would take the blame without hesitation in hopes that it would be some sort of relief on Clarke's shoulders. She knew holding in all those feelings for so long was a heavy weight to bare. She had plenty of pent up feelings herself so she could relate. Some times just letting them out, just saying your feelings out loud can feel like the weight of the world has finally climbed down from your shoulders. that's all she wanted for Clarke.

" Clarke, if there was only one thing in this world that I could change, it would be that night."

Clarke rested her arm against the balcony rail and turned towards Lexa. She looked into her eyes and Lexa right back into hers.

" But you can't change it. You left that night and when I needed my best friend at the most crucial time of my life and you weren't there."

Clarke watched Lexa's eyes drop to patio floor. She could have just left it at that but she wanted to say more. She wanted Lexa to feel more.

" You promised me Lexa, that'd I'd never be alone. I'd never feel alone again but it wasn't true. In a matter of four months I lost my best friend and my father. The truth is, I never really knew what being lonely meant until after I lost the both of you."

Clarke thought that driving the knife a little further into Lexa's chest, would make her feel some sort of satisfaction. She wanted her to feel the pain that she had been feeling this whole time. Instead seeing Lexa's reaction actually made her own heart hurt. She watched as Lexa turned away from her and leaned her elbows on the balcony railing. Clarke followed her actions and then leaned her head forward to take a better look at Lexa's face. She could see Lexa's eyes were glossy and then Lexa turned her head away from her and pulled at her hood to hide her head, making it impossible to see her emotions. Lexa showing emotions was a rare privilege that she had been able to witness in the past but only a few times. Lexa refusing any sort of eye contact was to insure that her feelings were kept safe within herself.  
Both girls stood leaning against the railing in silence for a few moments.

 

"I fucked up Clarke. I was in a bad place. Maybe I acted hastily and maybe it was selfish but I needed to do something and running away seemed like a good idea at the time." She looked towards Clarke who was staring out at the lit up city.

" I had nothing and no one except for you and I left. You have no idea how hard that was for me. How hard it was to leave the only person in the world who acted like she cared about me."

Clarke darted her head in Lexa's direction and locked eyes. " It wasn't an act. I did care about you. More than I've ever cared for anyone."

Lexa looked into Clarke's eyes with a softness about them and supplied a sad, small smile. The tiny fire that was slowly burning in her chest was becoming weak. Lexa's sorrowful expressions were dampening the flames and only embers remained. Clarke knew there was no chance of her hating this woman, her heart simply wouldn't allow it.

" It wasn't selfish. You did what you had to do."

" And in the process, lost my best friend."

" Was it worth it? Did things work out? "

" No. Even if everything would have worked out...it still wouldn't have been worth what I lost."

Clarke suddenly felt a weight in her chest. Just the other night she wondered if she had left the same kind of imprint on Lexa, as she left on her, turned out she did. It certainly didn't take away the pain of being betrayed but knowing how deep Lexa's pain went, gave her the sense that common ground existed.

Clarke's only response to lexa was a small head nod in recognition. Both girls turned their attention to the inside of the apartment as Raven and Bellamy came crashing through the door. Raven noticed them on the balcony right away and the couple joined them .

" Heda! How was the move in? "

" It was good and quick."

" That's good."

Bellamy didn't say anything he just kept his arm drapped around Raven who gave Clarke a bit of a funny look.

" So when do we get to hear the story of how you two know each other? "

" And that's my cue to call it a night..." Lexa looked over to Clarke who was glaring at Raven.

" Good job babe, five seconds in and you've scared her off already." Bellamy joked and kissed the side of Ravens head.

Lexa walked in front of the couple to get to the door. She couldn't get out there fast enough. " No, It's just been a long day and I have an early morning."

Clarke followed suit. There was no way she was getting into her and Lexa's past tonight. " I agree guys, I'm turning in."

As both girls made their way through the patio door Raven yelled at them from outside." You guys suck! You can't keep it to yourselves forever!"

Clarke looked back to the couple and waved goodnight with her middle finger. She quickly checked out Lexa bending into the fridge grabbing a water bottle and kept walking. She stopped outside her bedroom and waited for Lexa to reach her door. She watched her approach.

" Raven can be pretty blunt but she's the sweetest person ever."

" You guys seem really close." She hoped that the jealousy she could hear in her voice was non-existent to Clarke's ears.

" Yeah, we are."

Lexa felt like Clarke's main job tonight was stabbing her in the heart. " That's good." She grabbed at the door knob behind her. She had enough heartbreak for the night.

Clarke could see Lexa trying to escape their new conversation. When they were on the balcony she had might as well been throwing stones at her and she never looked like the wanted to flee, yet standing there talking about her closeness with Raven and all of a sudden Lexa was in a hurry to leave. Clarke noted the small evidence of jealousy.

Clarke graced Lexa with a small smile and Lexa reciprocated the action.

" Goodnight Lexa."

Lexa gave a small nod. " Night Clarke". She turned her door knob and took a step inside still facing Clarke who wasn't moving, just watching her. She moved to the side and closed the door. She leaned against the door. then turned around and rested her back against it. She tilted her head back until she felt the pressure of her pony-tail push into the back of her head and took in a deep breath.

 

After Clarke watched Lexa close her door she turned around and went into her own room. She walked up to her dresser and looked into the mirror. To her surprise she had a small smile on her face. She barely recognised herself. She tightened her jaw and walked away from her reflection. She slid off her pants, turned the lights off and climbed into bed. She couldn't stop thinking about Lexa. She used to have so much anger towards her. Anger that she thought could not be tamed if she ever saw her again. Yet after spending some time with Lexa tonight all she felt was a nervousness in the pit of her stomach. The weakness she had when it came to Lexa when they were young was creeping up on her and honestly it scared the shit of her. She laid in the dark staring up at the ceiling. Her mind went back to her dream when she was on the couch, only instead of thinking of the altered version she thought of the actual memory. The first night Lexa snuck into her room. Much like now,She was lying in bed staring up at the dark ceiling when she heard tapping on her window. At first it scared her, and as her eyes shot towards the window, a wave of relief and excitement engulfed her. After she let Lexa in they sat up all night talking. Clarke poured her heart out to her and took comfort in arms that embraced her as they rested on the bed. It was there that Lexa made her the promise that she'd never feel or be alone again. She dosed off thinking about the night she fell in love with her best friend.


End file.
